My Journey between Two Trees
Tree of Knowledge
It’s more obvious to some of us than to others, but we are all injured and captive in a fallen world. We chose to partake of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and follow Mother Eve on this journey to increase our Wisdom and Knowledge.
Tree of Life
Wisdom and Knowledge begin when we recognize our captivity and then allow Christ to lead us to the Tree of Life. This process brings us healing, knowledge, and exaltation. Healing with Christ is the ongoing story of my own journey.
- Two Trees
- Satanic Attacks
- Satanic Ritual Abuse/SRA
- Dissociative Identity Disorder
- Spiritual Duality of Mania
- Other Resources
My Travel Log
Posts in Chronological Order (Recommended)
- A Story to TellGod’s plans for us are not always standard. He has a way of turning our turmoil into miracles for our own growth and for the good of others.
- Spiritual Satanic Ritual AbuseRitual Abuse can occur spiritually as well as physically. In either case, the victim is broken and programmed with destructive, life-shattering emotional and behavioral patterns.
- The IncidentDID/SRA victims often begin to recover their lost traumatic memories around the age of 30. It can be very painful, but it can also be the beginning of healing. This is how it began for me.
- Tear Stains on My PillowAfter the Incident, I was broken. I began a lifetime of stuffing down my pain while trying to pretend everything was “normal”. It wasn’t always possible to keep up the charade.
- How to Commit Suicide in 4th GradeSatanic programming isolates its victim and fills the mind with self-loathing, pain, and hopelessness, all the while keeping the source of trauma hidden. The only hope left to the victim is a hope for an end to the lonely life of suffering and misery.
- Seeker Catches the SnitchWhen we become so lost and alone that we seem out of reach of any comfort or assistance, God has a way of showing us that not only can He reach us, but that He knows us better than we know ourselves.
- Why Don’t You Like Me?The dark side uses traumatic abuse to shatter our spirit and destroy our self-worth. Once broken, we are taught a barrage of emotions and behavioral responses intended to reinforce the victim’s spiral into social isolation and self-loathing.
- Joy in the DarknessGoing into your school years as a trauma victim can make you feel like raw meat thrown into a lion’s den. It strongly reinforced my programming that I was broken and alone.
- God Loves Broken Things, Pt 1As the dark side abuses its victims, it also teaches them to harm and abuse themselves. It then rewards self-harm with mockery and shaming. At a certain point a perpetrator is no longer required, because the victim will self-perpetuate the abuse cycle with self-harm.
- God Loves Broken Things, Pt 2In our extremes we are often in a better position to give God our full focus and attention. The combination of being alert and humble allows Him to upgrade our lives and rewrite our truths if we will permit it.
- God Loves Broken Things, Pt 3We each chose to follow Mother Eve into Satan’s fallen, painful world. We knew for a time we would forget our true selves and be captive to pain and possible abuse. Why would we chose this? Why would God allow it?
- Lessons From My ThumbOpposition. Knowing we came to earth to experience it doesn’t provide much solace when we’re confronting it.
- The Abrahamic Trial: Purgatory, Pt 1When nothing seems further out of reach than God, that can be when we truly find Him.
- The Personality of Christ, Pt 2But always in the wings is Jesus Christ waiting for us to express our faith and personal effort.
- Freedom in the Fishbowl, Pt 3I heard two men outside of the padded cell. One fiddled with some keys, the lock clicked, and the large metal door swung open.
- A Tragedy of Errors: A Schizophrenic DramaFor those of us finding ourselves neck deep in dark programming, it takes a miracle to escape with our lives. I feel for my poor, worn-out guardian angels who have gotten me safely onto the path of healing in spite of myself.
- The Darkest of the DarkI experienced that which awaits those facing utter damnation. It was bleaker than the worst trauma I’ve experienced in spirit or in body.
- The Delighted DemonIf the veil were lifted, and we could see the machinations of the dark forces arrayed against our freedom and happiness, we would likely be both terrified and more determined to reject their snares.
- The Dragon AttackThe repressed pain can come back as a “body memory,” and the pain can resurface at the location on the body where it was experienced.
- The Unseen BattleNot much good comes from comparing ourselves to others. We are either lifting ourselves above another to feel “better,” or demeaning ourselves below another to feel that we are not enough.
- Shame Begets Shame: My Babysitting ExperienceThe dark side is adept at twisting humility into self-loathing and shame. They shame us after hurting us, they urge us to make missteps and then shame us when we do.
- Meeting Jesus Christ and the UniverseIf Christ is real, then there is hope.
- Rocking Chairs and GodNot much good comes from comparing ourselves to others. We are either lifting ourselves above another to feel “better,” or demeaning ourselves below another to feel that we are not enough.
- Two Sides to a CoinHeaven will often balance their trauma with extraordinary visions and manifestations from the Light. Anything a survivor might share about either type of experience is rarely believed by loved ones, therapists, or even their clergy.
- Hell HQwith Christ, our greatest trials can be made into our greatest strengths, and Satan’s greatest victims can be transformed into his most powerful foes.
- A Wake-up CallTemptations will come whether we invite them or not. But each time we reject a temptation we hand the dark side a defeat, and we strengthen the light side of our coin.
- Floating on FeathersWith great trials come tender mercies. They remind us that we are not forgotten after all.
- Dissociating from LoveDID isolates each part of the victim that’s been hurt. These parts can distrust and even hate one another. They have different priorities and memories, and it is all arranged to produce stark, unsettled isolation.
- The Process and the PromisesIn order to fully heal, it is important to understand that there is a purpose in what we’ve gone through and that God, rather than abandoning us, has been supporting our life plan.
- Do You Want Sushi, or Sushi?Three types of voices compete for our thoughts: promptings from the Light, confusion and deception from the opposition, and our own voice. Promptings from the Light gently lead us toward greater freedom, peace, and joy.
- Do You Want Karaoke, or Karaoke?Discerning between Light and dark voices makes the difference between happiness and misery. The fruit of the Spirit of God brings joy and progress, but the fruit of darkness is misery and deterioration.
- A Quiet MindIt may require new training to feel comfortable and at home with a quiet, peaceful mind.
- Mary Magdalene’s StrengthWhat follows was written by my boyfriend. His insights into Mary Magdalene’s life and trials give me hope. They also give me hope in Jesus Christ.
- WillpowerA person has limited willpower to expend each day, so cherish it and use it wisely. Count your victories, not your losses, and see yourself for the hard-core superhero you actually are.
- The Fortress in My MindWhen the dark side arranges the unimaginable against the most innocent, the mind wipe and compartmentalization of the event become a harsh but necessary blessing.
- The MireSurvivors may struggle to accept and find meaning in a more stable, peaceful life.
- Hold OnWhere was He!? How could He let that happen to me!? My logical conclusion—confirmed by terrible, real-life experience—was that I’m not worth His attention, that He doesn’t actually care about me, or that He does not exist. But I knew He was there, and this knowing rounded out my feelings of bitterness, gloom, and abandonment.
- The PatronusFor survivors, hope must be rediscovered, empowerment must be relearned, self-worth replanted, and the Light reached for against a current of despair.
- FaithFaith is feeling abandoned, but reaching up anyway.
- The 7 Steps of Healing with DIDEach step can be messy, but this outline helps me recognize that messiness can actually be evidence of healing.
- Pray for Nicolehttp://www.facebook.com/509944830/posts/10158615791249831/ I’m Nicole’s boyfriend. This is my Facebook Post from last night.
- JJ’s Thoughts on Mental Health and SuicideMy summary does not tell the whole story, but it tells a part of the story the medical community is not equipped to explain.
- A Mother’s ViewLoved ones suffer alongside the survivors of trauma and abuse and in some ways can be co-victims. Often, parents are innocent bystanders who feel powerless to help or even understand their struggling child.
- There Were Miracles!This is a play-by-play after my leap off of Webb Hill in St. George, Utah. It’s a compilation of posts by my mother and boyfriend on social media from the day after my suicide attempt until my first week home from the hospital 3 months later.
- Life’s Worth Living PodcastNicole was invited as a guest on Jon Gossett’s “Life’s Worth Living” podcast series to talk about her suicide attempt. She gives details about her visit to the other side of the veil and the love and hope she found there.
- Sex Trafficking & “The Sound of Freedom”My boyfriend and I were invited to Las Vegas for a private screening of Sound of Freedom, an absolutely brilliant film which tells the TRUE story of one of Tim Ballard’s most heroic and adventurous rescue missions.
- The Reset ButtonThere is not much value in regret, especially when your whole life lays ahead of you. Change what you can and turn the rest over to God. With Christ, our greatest mistakes and trials can be turned to wisdom.
- My Birthday Chiasmus Miracle 12/02/2021I guess it’s my Special Day…
- My Leap into HeavenMy suicide attempt was not an escape from my earthly mission, and I paid a terrible price for going through with it. I did receive comfort and healing in Heaven but I knew my eternal healing and role were for this earth. So much so that I chose to come back into a broken and diminished body to fulfill it.
- Healing with ChristEvery frustration/enticement/adversity can actually be a spiritual growth experience.
- I DID it!!The highlights of our stories are when we triumph after a fall. That’s why we’re here, after all: for those moments.
- Redefining Luck PodcastTo celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, Liana Tan and I explored the meaning and purpose of Luck. Luck can be made and it can be a gift.
- May the Fourth be with YouI’m now sitting in the back of my parent’s car, my leg in a splint. We’ve just come from the hospital. I have been wiping away tears which are coming—but not for the reason you’d think.
- Finding Comfort in ChristA church talk by JJ Brown about Healing from Trials and Trauma with Christ. Also, at the end, JJ talks about a sacred moment of healing he and I experienced with Christ.
- No Other GodsAm I the other God I’ve been worshiping?
- DID, Narcissism, and Jesus ChristWednesday, June 8th , 2022 by Nicole Marie Hilton Narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, is a complex personality disorder that’s often misunderstood. Narcissism is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and/or one’s physical appearance. On PsychCentral, it says that a clinician may diagnose narcissistic personalityContinue reading “DID, Narcissism, and Jesus Christ”
- It’s About HimI asked myself just now—writhing in hellish nerve pain that has traveled up to the middle of my thighs because of John Ellis’s healing water: what am I supposed to learn from all of this???!!?!?!!?!!!?!!? Then I remembered the answer what’s-his-face taught me—if you haven’t healed from something…it’s because it’s serving a FUNCTION in yourContinue reading “It’s About Him”