A Wake-up Call

By Nicole Hilton, Friday August 2, 2019

The dark side knows our personalities and our preferences and will take every advantage of that knowledge against us. While abuse victims are hurt against their will, it’s a greater victory for Satan to entice us to CHOOSE his ways. Temptations will come whether we invite them or not. But each time we reject a temptation we hand the dark side a defeat, and we strengthen the light side of our coin. Over time, these victories combine to change our very nature.

            Yesterday morning, I was in my bed dreaming, again. In my dream, I was part of a group of young people and we were accepted into some sort of secret society. It was a mirror image of being on a religious retreat and learning about God, but this society and its teachings were sinister in nature. I would only realize how sinister once I had woken from the dream.

            In this society, I arrived at a castle-like manor and I was taught the secrets, and I participated in the groups and in the fun outings we would have. There were many things that were to my liking during these outings. Everything seemed acceptable to me. I should point out that in my dream I had no memory of my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ or even that such a person as Jesus Christ lived.

            After what seemed like weeks living in and around this castle, some of the other novices would disappear with a more seasoned individual here and there. Then whole groups would be gone for an afternoon or so. Eventually, I started to hear from the novices what they had been doing. A little make-out session here, a little grab there—everything was very PG-13 rated at first.

            The dream progressed in this vein until I became accustomed to these developments, and they were no longer a surprise to me.

            Then, I started to see the novices and the more advanced people acting out these things in front of me. I was at first shocked, but then after some weeks, it became usual for me.

            Then, the novices would come back and have increasingly detailed stories about the highly sexual encounters they were having as part of the indoctrination, and how much they were enjoying them. After I got used to these stories, I started to witness some of these encounters, and then after getting used to that, I was even encouraged to watch! If I stated that I didn’t want to watch, all others would look at me with downcast eyes, or gently make fun of me for being such a “prude”.

            They were so gentle with their admonishing, that I didn’t struggle to escape the dream—something my spirit would have done if they had tried to use any force whatsoever with me.

            After this, the entire estate was into increasingly disturbing sexual practices and ordinances having to do with such. It became commonplace after what seemed like years of indoctrination—although I never chose to participate in the practices. I declined to watch the proceedings—but they happened so often in all the places I seemed to be going, I couldn’t help but gain exposure to them.

            Then the time came when I compared what everyone was doing with what I was doing, and I realized that I was very sexually frustrated. What could a tiny bit of “self love” do? I reasoned within myself. The answer slowly changed from something bad, although I know not what nor why, into…nothing.

            Everyone else seemed to be enjoying levels of 666% pleasure in their sexual encounters and “high blessings” for what they were doing. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t chosen to participate all this time. Still, it all seemed a bit disgusting to me. But would a little bit of self-indulgence hurt? Surely not… After all, what could it hurt? And, furthermore, what could it hurt to say certain words and perform one of the rituals I’d been so exposed to while doing it? 

            I suddenly heard, from another realm entirely, a woman’s yell.


            I opened my eyes and reoriented myself. What?!

            I was in my bedroom, in St. George, and an unseen woman had just been there, yelling my name. I wasn’t in a castle in Scotland—or who-knows-where, in my gussied up room—about to do something regretful.

            I had been saved. A woman—a guardian angel—had been in my room, and she had screamed her hardest directly at my prone form. And I heard her.

            The strange thing is, after I woke up and reflected on the dream, I started to realize how the entire scenario was shaped around my likes. Do I like rolling green hills and cloudy blue skies as far as the eye can see? Yes! Do I like shiny white horses I can ride in the rain? Yes! Do I like grand estates with castles on them? Yes! Do I like puppies? Yes! Do I like wearing expensive clothing? Yes! Do I like dozens of seemingly calorie-free expensively decorated tiered cakes with buttercream frosting strategically placed around every room all of the time? Yes!

            But no matter how many times you paint a sepulcher white…it’s still a sepulcher with a ton of decay inside.

            After thinking about it, I reflected that Satan may have teams dreaming up and building alternate-realities with incredible level of detail—all to ensnare us. They had almost succeeded with me.

            I shuddered at the thought, and almost went to a place of self-blame–another tactic of the dark side. I had another thought: what would I have participated in, if they had launched that scenario at me five years ago? Ten years ago?

            And I realized that while my temptation during the dream was unfortunate, the restraint I showed was even more remarkable and was an indication of my significant growth on my inward journey.

Published by Nicole Marie Hilton

Hi, I'm Nicole. I suffer from amnesia and multiple personalities caused by childhood trauma and a gauntlet of spiritual Satanic abuse. Professionals refer to this as Dissociative Identity Disorder and Satanic Ritual Abuse (DID/SRA). The wounds and evil programming from DID/SRA create a continuing cycle of spiritual, emotional, mental, and social destruction for the victim and their loved ones. Most professional therapists misdiagnose or misunderstand it and do more harm than good. Healing requires plunging the very depths of Christ's atonement for the victims and their loved ones. The process exposes Satan's methods and Christ's power, and this knowledge is essential to anyone seeking to ascend above this mortality. This is the story of my wounding and my ongoing healing with my Savior Jesus Christ.

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