By Nicole Marie Hilton, December 27, 2019
Ritual Abuse can occur spiritually as well as physically. In either case, the victim is broken and programmed with destructive, life-shattering emotional and behavioral patterns.
I’m typing this with a broken right hand—I believe I fractured the trapezium bone just under my thumb, and it’s radiating a surprising amount of pain throughout my palm, wrist, and three of my fingers. I fractured it sometime during a rampage I went on today while playing the card game Splendor with my boyfriend, JJ. You see, according to one of my alters (personalities), he had been taking too long on his turn.
For some reason, this was triggering enough to merit the entire game to be thrown onto the floor. When that wasn’t enough, the three shelves of medicines in the corner of my parent’s kitchen were the next to go. When that didn’t slate my—or, whichever-alter-who-was-fronting’s—thirst for wreaking havoc, the kitchen chair I was sitting on was next to go. I literally wielded it over my head, and almost broke it upon the kitchen table with a loud BANG! Then I shoved my boyfriend against the wall as I exited—almost cracking his head in the process—and ran out of there screaming and yelling like a madwoman.
Then came the tears. And the shaking. And the feeling like my entire world was collapsing in on me, and not knowing why.
Dissociative identity disorder. Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, this disorder is characterized by “switching” to alternate identities… Each identity may have a unique name, personal history and characteristics,…People with dissociative identity disorder typically also have dissociative amnesia.
Dissociative disorders usually develop as a way to cope with trauma. The disorders most often form in children subjected to long-term physical, sexual or emotional abuse or, less often, a home environment that’s frightening or highly unpredictable.Mayo Clinic on Dissociative Disorders
Just another day in my life—just another scenario my boyfriend and I have learned to deal with. Might I say…even be grateful for? That is, once we learned to see these little episodes as literal gems to unpack. You see, they are opportunities. They are gifts sent from above—each episode is Satanic programming, rearing its ugly head—programming that simply yearns to be healed. We haven’t quite processed through this one yet…it’s still too fresh. But, we will. We always do. And, admittedly, I am still feeling a lot of shame over it. I can admit that. But that, too, will heal with time.
So, as incomplete as this experience is, why am I writing about it? Well, I think writing about what happened today is a good introduction for you, the reader, to see the daily results of Satanic Ritual Abuse. But…just what is Satanic Ritual Abuse, you ask? Well, there are some links on my homepage under Resources for you to peruse. But I can give you a short introduction here.
From Glen Pace’s memo, Satanic Ritual Abuse—or SRA for short—is the most hideous of all abuse. It is the premeditated, methodical torture and terrorizing of children until they are forced to dissociate, then the systematic programming of that dissociated part. It is executed in a well-planned, well-thought out ritualistic manner—usually directed by an actual hierarchy of trained followers of Satan—and often the only escape for children is to either 1. die, or 2. dissociate (create alternate personalities that will enable them to compartmentalize the pain and endure the various forms of abuse).
The victims usually get all the way to early adulthood with no memory of the abuse by their “core” personality. Often, the victims are “programmed” to the point of being a sort of Manchurian Candidate—if you’ve seen that movie, you’ll get the reference. Certain tripwires and fail-safes (which can be triggered if the victim starts to get help or expose the programming) can activate self-destruct buttons in the victims. These triggers might cause them to drive into oncoming traffic, or kill or maim themselves, or self-destruct in other ways without the main personality wanting to. (Or, perhaps, break their back and say goodbye to gymnastics. Forever.)
While all of this may sound far-fetched and even supernatural, I promise you that it is real, and it’s about to get even weirder.
It appears a new generation of children are growing up now—including myself—who were not only physically raped and tortured in this ritualistic manner, but who were spiritually put through Satanic Ritual Abuse.
“What I’m seeing now in the last six to seven years is, we’re seeing people that have been taken in the spirit, taken from their homes. They didn’t come from Satanic cults.
“They are taken from Christian families, out of their bodies and taken and abused. I know this may sound crazy to some people, but I’m seeing it over, and over, and over again. A lot of people in their 20’s, some in their 30’s. It’s a new thing, I believe.”Dr. Holly Hector, 30 years experience helping DID/SRA Victims
How is this possible? Let me tell you.
When I was a baby, up until about 5-6 years of age, I’d fly around everywhere. It didn’t matter if it was during the day, or during the night. I’d literally leave my body, and just…go. (Maybe that’s why I had so much trouble discerning between when I could and couldn’t jump off of things!)
Some people call this astral projection. I didn’t know or care what it was called, all I knew was that I liked it, and that it was natural and freeing to me. I did it almost daily. I’d zoom on up over the rooftops and into the clouds or the stars. I was always perfectly warm, content, and knew how to get back to my house and my body. I felt like Peter Pan! But then the day came when I remember standing in my back yard when I was six, looking up into the sky, and thinking, huh…why am I not lifting off of the ground? Have I forgotten how so easily? That was the beginning of forgetting how to fly.
During those years, sometimes at night I’d leave my body and get ready to go fly away over the rooftops. But then, a darkness would envelop me, and everything would go black.
I would wake up in the morning, and my memories would be hazy. Now, I knew the difference between regular dreams and memories from astral projecting…but this new experience felt like an astral projection memory that someone had tampered with, and that had been enveloped in darkness.
After many times of this happening, while I was eating a peanut butter sandwich, or playing with my Barbies, sharp slivers of violent memories would burst upon me at odd moments. Suddenly, I’d remember: I’m in a circle, surrounded by demons. They’ve stabbed me through the middle, and are spinning me around on a disc…
The memories were so terrible, that I would thrust them from myself and concentrate on whatever what was in front of me. My spirit was sufficiently strong—as most children are—that I knew: that scene doesn’t define me. So it’s not me. And that’s that.
But the spiritual Satanic Ritual Abuse continued…through the years more memories have come back to me. And more details of just what I experienced. (If you follow this link here, Dr. Hector has a good explanation.) They raped me and mocked me in front of multitudes of dark spirits. They implanted weapons and seeds of destruction into me. They took my astral form into a different hellish dimension of time and space, and tortured me for years of our earth time—all while being able to return me, “safe and sound”, back to my sleeping four-year-old body at night where I’d proceed to wake up screaming, and where my parents would explain it away as a “night terror”. They couldn’t have guessed that it was so much more.
Soon I sensed the truth, and I subconsciously shut down my ability to astral project. The fun of soaring into the sky and seeing the stars didn’t outweigh the torture and humiliation the dark ones were inflicting upon me. And so, I unlearned; I finally stopped projecting around age six.
But the spiritual seeds of darkness were sown, and the traps were set…
All Satan had to do was cement it with a little physical reinforcement.