Thou Art There

Or From My Hospital Bed, or Whither Shall I Flee, Or Don’t Let Go

by Nicole Marie Hilton, September 27th, 2022

I’m here in the hospital–yet again. It’s a long story, but I wanted to let all of you, my readers, know that even though I’m in the hospital for the umpteenth time, I still have so much hope for the future in my heart, and even peace in the present.

How am I finding this inner peace and strength? It’s through a constant dialogue with Jesus Christ in my mind. I’m still definitely a beginner at this, but I’m learning fast.

I think of the scene with Mary Magdalene in the show The Chosen, where she desperately clings to the following scripture:

Psalm 139:7–12
Old Testament

7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

She had no idea that right at the moment of crisis, Jesus Christ would be there to catch her:

I feel as though a lot of us are just getting by–just hanging on by the skin of our teeth, as it were.

And then there are some who give up completely.

Sometimes even I wonder still, will He be there to catch me?

The wiser parts of me know He will. Because I’m realizing that He was there when I was young and raped on the playground. He was there when I was older and being bullied left and right. He was there when I went through my disastrous two marriages and those long and lonely college years. He was also there when I went on my service mission and when Satan attacked me, and He’s here, right now at age 33 in this hospital bed.

I’m going to end with this quote–which I know is perfectly true–down to the last and least human being on earth:

Published by Nicole Marie Hilton

Hi, I'm Nicole. I suffer from amnesia and multiple personalities caused by childhood trauma and a gauntlet of spiritual Satanic abuse. Professionals refer to this as Dissociative Identity Disorder and Satanic Ritual Abuse (DID/SRA). The wounds and evil programming from DID/SRA create a continuing cycle of spiritual, emotional, mental, and social destruction for the victim and their loved ones. Most professional therapists misdiagnose or misunderstand it and do more harm than good. Healing requires plunging the very depths of Christ's atonement for the victims and their loved ones. The process exposes Satan's methods and Christ's power, and this knowledge is essential to anyone seeking to ascend above this mortality. This is the story of my wounding and my ongoing healing with my Savior Jesus Christ.

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