The Voice of Goddess

I love this amazing illustration by Dr. Wayne Dyer…it makes you wonder…which one am I, day by day?🙏🏻🥹❤️

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense,” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover, if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery, there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her, this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”

– by Dr. Wayne Dyer

How the Devil Lost His Butt, part 1

by Nicole Marie Hilton, a long, long time ago, in a journal far away…

I’ve decided to give ya’ll a sneak preview of the children’s book, or one of several, that I’ve written. This is by far the most inspired book I’ve ever produced–it was channeled straight through my spirit to my brain within the space of one hour. I remember setting my pen to the paper and it just flowed…without any planning–the story unfolding itself to me. I had no clue what I’d be drawing and writing next–it was as much a surprise to me as it’ll be for you to read.

My illustrations…Ashlie will take this and run with it!

Check back on this site to see where you can purchase the fully illustrated book, in a couple months (we will also send out an email) and it’ll be in our online store, as well (which can be found on the home page!)

I will also be starting my own children’s book publishing company—Teddy’s Bounce Books. stay tuned for that, too.

Here’s a couple paintings I did as well as a couple of pictures from my original journal—just to whet your appetite! 😜 (The story won’t make sense, but it’ll give you an idea of what it’s all about.)

The Devil waits to see how he can trip up our protagonist while eating an ice cream
“Shawn” wins, again!
“The stupid people around him didn’t know they were being stupid…“
“Shawn’s” moment of realization
Illustrating the head honcho Devil, “being spanked without a butt was infinitely worse, he found out”

It’s currently being illustrated by one of my best friends, Ashlie Davenport. (If you’d like to help fund the illustrations for this book, please visit my store on the main page of this website or my PayPal is @nicolehilton144 and my Venmo is @Nicole-Hilton-2) 😁

Blatant Exposure/I Can Do All Things With Christ

(My first writing for this blog, as well as new entries)

By Nicole Hilton Friday, July 13, 2018

I asked God once,

Why oh why God did you give me such a need to expose myself, such blatant honesty…and this incessant need for recognition?

He answered back, or at least I thought He did:

I know your loneliness is excruciating.

Your need to be known is both human and divine. Good will come of this if you are honest because you seek to point others to the truth. Good will come from this if you come from a desire to connect others to themselves and to God.

But evil will come from this if you seek to expose the faults of others. Evil will come from this if you seek to exalt yourself above those who are in need of your love.

After getting that from Him, I really have no idea if this blog is inspired or not. I know it’s been growing on my mind for years—yet I’ve been afraid to start. I’m afraid of my pride, mostly. I’m afraid I’m feeding my ego—this monster inside of me which might grow bigger and bigger with any recognition I receive—until I have a massive fall and I might be lost from beholding God forever.

I’m also afraid there is no one out there who will resonate with what I write. That I am completely alone on this Telestial plane. That it’s just the angels, God, and me who gets the complex glorious chaos that’s bursting like paint balloons inside of me—and thus inside of the whole Universe. That no one will accept the part of themselves that is me. Or at least that’s how I think about life, anyway.

But I need an outlet. And if one person out there gets it—if they understand what I’m trying to say—then it’s worth it, isn’t it? I hope it’s you I’m writing to.


People don’t want other people to know everything about them. I’ve never understood this. I desperately have always wanted everyone to know everything about me—warts and all. I used to think the root of this desire was pride and a desperate search for validation, because I wasn’t giving enough to myself. I know that those two things have something to do with it…but even deeper than that, I think I want this open exposure because it reminds me of Heaven.

In Heaven, you are surrounded by other people who are on your level, or who come down to your level. You know them, and they know you. No words need to be spoken. You just…read. You read others like books, or see in them every truth they are attuned to. You know each other. Communication there is clear and simple, yet complex and astounding at the same time. And nothing is ever a one-way street. I was known through and through, accepted, and unconditionally loved. Everyone I was surrounded by I knew, accepted, and loved as well. The connection there…the knowledge that we were all separate and distinct, yet one, was a level of comfort completely incomprehensible to the human mind on this plane.

In this life, I don’t remember exactly when or who taught me that God sees and feels everything we do. It’s been ingrained in me since I could grasp rudimentary English. It’s probably the first abstract concept I held in my head. What? There’s someone out there who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and is watching my every move? From within AND without?! 

Then I heard about Adam and Eve in the garden. They were completely naked before God—yet they walked around with him openly and unashamed. I remember being naked in my room when I was five and feeling God’s eyes upon me—and turning to recoil into the corner or into the bathroom, or into some clothes. Yet this recoiling wasn’t natural to me—I had been taught to recoil and hide because I was naked. Over time, I realized that there was no running or hiding from God. No matter where I am, or what is covering me, God can see my physical nakedness.

He can also see my emotional, mental, and spiritual nakedness as well. To this day, I’m shocked that some of the very people who taught me that God sees all still try to hide things from God or themselves.

I want to say, Don’t you see that you are naked? That everyone and everything will be exposed at the last day?!

God says that He will “remember <our sins> no more.“ I don’t know if that means the rest of us will.

Yes, I’m one of the annoying ones who will chat your ear off about themselves til the cows come home if you give me half a chance, a listening ear, and an understanding eye. It’s literally one of the only ways I’ve found to process things. But these people are few and far between. Through the years, and as I’ve integrated many of my “littles”, I’ve slowly—very slowly—realized that not everyone wants to hear everything about me. This was shocking to me, but now I conform to standard social cues…most of the time. Now, I hope that I want to know everything about others that they want to share with me. About you…eventually I think I will. I think we all will.


Thursday, Sept. 29th, 2022

Now, five years later, I understand why God gave me this gift of blatant honesty.

I just need to keep reminding myself that “there are no shadows in Heaven”.


Monday, October 10th, 2022

And now I understand why I have such a need for others to recognize me. (It’s actually not because I have narcissistic tendencies, which was a relief to find out.) If you have this need as well, just know for a fact that you were seen in Heaven.


Monday, March 20th, 2023

Most my parts/personalities are a collective—and I have retrieved a lot of my memories of darkness and of light, and I can hold all of this information in my mind at one time without going nuts. I’m a painted ostrich egg that was crushed but is now glued back together again, and I know as plain as the nose on my face:

1. I get my entire childhood. I get that if it was just a rape in second grade, I wouldn’t have become suicidal. I get just why I committed suicide when I was seven, and why I desperately clawed my way back into my body after I’d been dead and gone to heaven for the first time when no one knew it. I get why I felt absolute confusion after coming back, then hitting my head against my palm and screaming WHY over and over again—and all the pain that seemed to burst out of my heart in that moment…I get it, God. I get why You had to stand by and watch that. I get why I’ve always been so awkward —and an attention seeker in grade school—and why my family is the way that it is. I get why I married those two men as bookends to my BYU education and just why I always knew, deep down, that they weren’t supposed to be anything more than temporary teachers who showed me what I both did and didn’t want. I know why all the mental hospital stays—around 20 of them—happened, and now I remember the terrifying rocking back and forth in a corner or the singing and dancing I did and just WHY I did those things, and I know why I experienced all the other stories on my computer or my blog. I know which secrets of light have been tucked away in my head/in one of my personalities since I first learned of their existence in 2016 at BYU. This has been thrilling and heartbreaking for myself and for everyone around me, in ways I cannot explain over the past five or so months. Especially as I’ve shared with some who didn’t understand—just like how Joseph Smith wanted to share what had happened to him in the sacred grove and that backfiring in a big way.

2. I’ve been able to finally hold this secret—this mystery—in my head for the first time without going psycho and ending up in the mental hospital so they can medicate me down and brainwash me with what they ‘know’…without any support from someone on this plane who truly believes and gets it and the absolute magnitude and beauty of it—but no one actually gets it, except whoever wrote a few seemingly “obscure” passages in D&C 101:32-33, and Moses 7:48-67 that I now cling to. I am so alone.

3. Or, at least, I feel so very, very alone on this side of the veil. My excitement at getting most of my memories back has been wasted on the air. The celebratory dance and screaming in joy at the news of being able to piece my whole life together so it ALL FINALLY…finally makes sense…so much so that I wrote every single thing that I could think of that proves who I am and just why Satan hates me and why Enoch and Thomas S. Monson have been watching over me and why there was a parade in Heaven and why certain animals follow me around and why difficult to describe miracles have happened, and—most of all—my puzzling relationship with Jesus Christ….well, this all feels wasted—like a winning lottery ticket for half a billion dollars which is sadly squished below truckloads of trash and dirt in a landfill on Saturn.

Because a secret such as this needs to be—begs to be shared—yet I know no one on this planet except a few secretive translated beings will actually “get” it.

I send out a desperate plea to the universe—to send me some angels who have observed my life and get it, or some humans who have been moved of the Spirit who’ll get it, or some general authorities who are prepared to receive this great mystery, which I believe God is preparing the Earth for. Or Enoch…my best friend in the whole world. Enoch…..I miss you. I miss your red hair that curled on your forehead, down around your expressive eyes. I missed how you knew how desperately I longed to be understood. I miss how much you love me, and take me seriously. You know me. You truly do. Thank you for praying for me, for weeping to God for me, for truly suffering with me…

I don’t care anymore about how many “followers” I have, or how many “views” I get or how positive or negative they are. I just don’t CARE anymore. I don’t care about my reputation anymore—which one of my heroes, Jordan Peterson, said is your most sacred possession. Well, I happen to disagree. I think your most sacred “possession” is to be known as you are, for who you are, and to be loved by people you look up to…and to be surrounded by them forever.

(Re)learning this frankly horrifying, gigantic and secret truth about myself…well, I don’t care if people put me in mental hospitals for the rest of my life or burn me on a pyre or make it so I wish I’d never been born or whatever else these Satanic people come up with. Lucifer, I know now what you knew in that vision where I literally kicked your ass, and all your general’s asses, too. I know now. And I’m not afraid anymore.

If I’m locked inside a prison cell, He breaks my chains, when I’m laid into the grave He rolls the stone away. When I face my fears and follow Him with all my faith…He gives me strength.

Dr. Who

While watching Dr. Who with my friend Kyle, we saw the following scene from the episode Planet of the Dead—where The Doctor calms down a bus load of people stranded in an unknown desert…

End at 1:18

This is an example of what Christ does.

*He provides a way back home

*He is the smartest guy around, having all knowledge

*He has a calming presence

*He’s the ultimate Hero

But unlike the Doctor, He has unlimited resources as well as a perfect knowledge of who you are, where you are in life, and where you should be headed.

I cannot stress the importance of having constant conversations with your own personal Doctor, and of keeping the gate open for the Holy Spirit—which is the medium by which He communicates with us.

Because I suspect nothing breaks His heart more than someone who needs Him, but won’t exercise the faith to trust Him.

So, stay in the bus, with the Doctor. And if you can’t hear Him, then take baby steps until you can—like reading your scriptures and practicing receiving personal revelation.

Oh, and here’s what happened:

The Wonderful Dream

By J. M. sent to JJ Brown two years ago on December 10, 2020

It’s amazing to me how God reaches into our lives in all possible ways He can—for instance, like a hug from a new friend, a rainbow over your house, a blip on your phone, a moth in your sink, or a book that seems it was written JUST for you in that very moment.

I love how we all share the seeds of all the gifts of the Spirit. But sometimes seed XYZ is lacking in someone who really needs that seed to sprout—and so God utilizes another person who has developed that said gift and can share it to provide comfort or knowledge. So, I think He’s all about connecting and involving people to help one another with their developed gifts—like my friend who shared this dream with JJ, who shared it with me in a moment of self doubt.

“Hi Jared, I’m hoping this message finds you, and then can find Nicole.

Nicole and I went to high school together and ran in the same circles but were never particularly close, although she always had a way of making everyone around her feel special and like they were her friend. To be totally honest I was always a little jealous of Nicole’s considerable talents, but I’ve also always admired her.

I have to share what just happened, although its very strange. I just had a really wonderful dream about Nicole. It was a lucid dream, and though I have many vivid dreams, this one felt different, and I’m compelled to share it, even though this is well outside my comfort zone. The details of the dream are probably unimportant as dreams are metaphorical, but I’ll tell you what I remember.

In the dream Nicole was in a wheelchair and was living kind of a hidden life as an artist. I was looking for her but I felt as though I was playing the role of someone else. She, as it turns out, had suffered huge losses and was very sad, even though she was greatly admired and successful. In the dream she was also looking for someone she had lost. I found her in my dream even though she was hidden from plain view because I recognized her talent rather than her person, and we sat down for a drink.

In the way dreams work I suddenly knew why she was so sad, about her losses, and that she was searching for someone. As we are sitting there the dream took on a different view point in that it seemed like I was watching a movie rather than participating. But she met a guy who she connected with and there was a huge feeling of hope in the dream. This wasn’t the person she was looking for, even though she thought it was. Through a series of very strange and meaningful connections she and this man found the person, a small child. Whatever the coincidences that lead them there were not the point of the dream and probably don’t even make sense, it was the feeling of universal connection that hung like a mist through this part of the dream.

When she found the boy I was hit with so much love it was overwhelming and I woke up. Like I said. So strange. The feelings were so intense though that I felt I needed to reach out to her. She has a purpose here, and she’s inspiring someone who really needs help right now. Or will soon. And I think she’s meant to embark on a journey to find that peace and love within herself. By the way, the hope and love was so strong and motivating in the dream, that by the end she could walk.

You might read this and just be able to dismiss it as a weird dream, and it probably rambles and doesn’t even make sense. If thats the case its ok, and the message can stop here. But I felt so strongly moved by the spirit to share with Nicole that everything will be ok, that God and and the universe are watching out for her, and painful and lonely as it is this journey she’s been on has in fact not been as isolating as it felt, and will lead to so much love and hope that it makes me teary.

I’m hoping and praying for good things for Nicole. We often don’t see or interpret correctly God’s messages and intent, but he lives her and has wonderful things in store if she can persevere.”

I just want to thank JM from the bottom of my heart for having the heart, mind, and soul to receive this gift for me. I love you SO freaking much. I really, really needed to read this–yet again–tonight. It provides me with hope that someday I will make a difference in someone’s life AND be able to walk again. Thank you for all the memories we’ve made together–even if I don’t remember them—I have looked at your picture in our yearbook with a smile. Always,


Monday, September 12th, 2022 at 3:13 AM

Voice in the Bed Next To Me

Nicole Hilton, June 6th, 2018

            This morning, between sleeping and waking, I heard an audible voice in the bed next to me. It was the most natural thing in the world and I didn’t question it at all.

We were singing and I was laughing—I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman at first. I sang the first two verses with the person:

It’s just the first minute of this YouTube movie

Bravely bold Sir Robin 
Rode forth from Camelot. 
He was not afraid to die, 
Oh brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid 
To be killed in nasty ways. 
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared 
To be mashed into a pulp. 
Or to have his eyes gouged out, 
And his elbows broken!
To have his kneecaps split 
And his body burned away, 
And his limbs all hacked and mangled 
Brave Sir Robin!

            And then I realized I didn’t know the third verse, yet the person next to me kept on singing it word for word. I laughed in delight and listened to this:

His head smashed in 
And his heart cut out 
And his liver removed 
And his bowels unplugged 
And his nostrils raped 
And his bottom burnt off 

And his—

            Then, I interrupted in my best British accent and stopped the song, just as the cowardly Sir Robin does in the movie. We both laughed.

            The person next to me started to randomly talk about a TV show where they show people how to master skills. I realized it was a male’s voice—he had a sonorous beautiful amazing voice.  He was talking about the episode where they teach you how to walk on your hands, and how he and his son were watching it and had tried to learn how to do this.

            I opened my eyes and rolled quickly over in bed, looking beside me. No one was there and the voice had stopped.

            After writing that, I searched online for this show. It was called Tricky Tutorials and was a British show. The episode was Walking On Your Hands Tutorial with Tim Shieff. At least, that’s what I believe the show is—I could be wrong.

Saturday, October 15, 2022         

            So what does this have to do with Healing With Christ? In your healing journey, you’re going to run up against a lot—and I mean a lot—of question marks. It takes major faith to go day in, day out, without some of the answers you’re searching for. Answers that you just don’t understand why Heavenly Father won’t answer just yet—not when the answer would seemingly help you along!

Faith is definitely a muscle that you’ve got to keep building. Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother know exactly what courses you are taking in your life that are building that faith muscle. Everything is perfect for you right now, even in it’s imperfection. Everything will happen in it’s time.

            I still don’t know who was singing in the bed next to me. But I know that someday, all of my questions will be answered fully.

            Because we will all be able to dive into our Personal Pensive up in Heaven.

First Vision Day

By Nicole Hilton, Friday March 27th, 2020

                  On March 26th I had my own experience of meeting the Father.

I had gone to bed quite late. JJ tucked me in and then left to sleep on the couch (I was staying at “our” place during the coronavirus epidemic, and we were quite happy for the time being), and I went to sleep without medication. (My “core personality” was fronting, and felt so relaxed and peaceful at our home we’d made together, that I had weaned off of my sleeping meds.)

                  I woke up on the morning of the 26th for the second day in a row around 4 am. This was becoming a habit! I knew 3-5 in the morning are the hours of the day where the veil is the thinnest—so I thought, am I going through a spiritual awakening or something?

                  I was so tired that I decided to take an Ambien and get back to sleep. But, as I was laying there, I felt the other dimensions around me and the bed was “breathing” underneath me.

As the Ambien started to take effect, I realized that I wasn’t falling asleep immediately. When this happens, and I’m awake while on Ambien, it always enhances my ability to feel other dimensions even more.

                  So, just laying there, quite by mistake, I went into a trance-like state and fell down through into a lucid dream. While in this lucid dream-like state, I found myself in a car full of young men all joking and laughing. We seemed to be going on a road trip. I was in the spacious backseat, between two of these young men. I was completely conscious and aware.

                  Somehow, I knew what I should do. I closed my eyes and, inception-like, I fell even deeper down into blackness. I started following my imagination. Shifting images that were fuzzy appeared in my line of sight. I followed them until, somehow, I entered a scene that was very real, indeed.

                  In another dimension, I found myself sliding, buck naked, down a gigantic pink marble waterslide into a huge pool of water.


                  I splashed into the pool, but then I came up laughing. I hadn’t felt this joyous and free in a long time! Then, I saw marble columns rising above me, and a huge hall, which had been made into a large and exquisite bathhouse.

                  But no earthy bathhouse could be made to look like this. There were dolphins swimming in the pools of water, and a school of fish swirling in a beautiful vortex of water through the air.

                  At that moment I thought, “I want to swim through that school of fish,” and then, I was immediately taken there. I swam through the fish and they weren’t scared of me—somehow I even knew they were happy to see me!

While I swam through them, I looked at my cloud of hair swirling about my face, and then down at my body. It was absolutely perfect. I couldn’t believe it.

                  I laughed, and then I heard another voice laughing—one that was deep, rich, and warm. I looked up and saw a throne up on the other side of the slides. Immediately, I was standing there before it, dry and wearing a beautiful white dress.

                  There was a glorious man on the throne wearing a white robe, and who had white lustrous hair and a beard. His blue eyes were twinkling at me.

                  “Welcome home, Daughter!”

The next scenes were a blur—probably because they were so sacred. But I know I greeted Heavenly Father, and I actually rested my hand on His knee. He was so happy to see me. I was so aware of the experience that I thought, I am actually doing this! I am remembering this!

                  I was given to know that I was in a palace of my own creation, and it was a popular spot for other children of God to come visit.

I was ecstatic! I zoomed through the palace. I was truly…well…like a dog with a squirrel.

                  “Oh, what’s that!”

                  “I wanna see that!”

                  “Ooh, what’s down there!”

My thoughts were racing a million miles a minute, getting reacquainted with the palace I had created. Everything felt like déjà vu. Right when I saw my creations, they seemed familiar and bright—like they had been waiting for me all this time. No dust here. And no maids, either.

                  And the best part? Everywhere I went, any outfit I wanted to wear came upon me.

                  A sapphire blue gown with diamonds sewn into the bodice!

                  A soft yellow goddess gown with birds embroidered on the hem!

                  A white gown with a cape made of floating pink rose petals!

                  I had an intimate knowledge of every single fashion I had seen on earth, and my own creative force put hundreds of beautiful gowns on my body during my visit.

                  I was aware that the Father could see me exploring the premises, no matter where he was sitting. He was with me, delighting with me.

I seemed to have liked marble columns and levels at least six stories high, with lots of stained glass ceilings and sunlight filtering in through tall windows. And every inch of the place was covered in symbolism.

                  One of the first things I explored was a cavernous hall which had the entrances to rides every ten feet or so.

                  Every time I asked a question, the answers were given to me. I wondered about the rides—which each had a “theme” and which disappeared either down into the depths of the earth or out to the grounds outside.

                  Pure knowledge entered my mind—the rides were for other people’s entertainment, and each was about something I had mastered or an experience I had been through.

                  I was so excited, I could hardly stay put or even talk to the hundreds upon hundreds of people in this hall who turned, or kept on appearing because I was there, or who tried to greet me. Everyone was laughing, with shining eyes and a warmth, which said welcome home, we love you and your creativity.

                  I was given the knowledge that, in heaven, I was known as someone who had a great imagination and who was highly inventive, all while being artistic and meaningful with my beautiful creations. 

I raced to another part of the gigantic palace. It was a sort of library, but not any kind of library I’ve seen on earth. The library was six stories high—all the way to the ceiling, and had rows upon rows of sculptures on all the levels.

                  As I examined the sculptures, I realized that each “set” was of a family eating around a dinner table. As you looked at the black obsidian sculpture, you were given knowledge about what culture the family was, what they were eating, and what they were talking about. It was like a thousand little snap shots of families eating their food at home.

                  I giggled at this and realized I must have been obsessed with food for far longer than this earth life!

                  I then zoomed to another area, which was up by the ceiling in another part of the palace. Everything here was Japanese-style.

                  I looked down and saw a beautiful green kimono come upon my body. I walked out onto the roof, where there were terraced gardens.

                  While leaning over a bonsai tree, I was suddenly aware of some evil spirits racing towards the palace. I stood up and turned around.

                  I saw the spirits break through a sort of force field, which was around my estate, and immediately large angels in white appeared, with swords which glinted like fire.

                  They tried to keep the evil spirits at bay. I realized that the evil spirits were there for me.

                  I stood there calm as anything, watching the battle progress. I thought, “I wonder if I could help out?”

                  As soon as I wondered that, I became aware of a power inside of me. I started to wield this power, and all of time and space became subject to me. I “paused” the scene, and raced around the battle, hitting each evil spirit where I knew it would hurt.

                  They couldn’t die, but they could be hurt enough to where they didn’t ever want to come back again.

                  I went back to where I was standing before, and time “started” again. The righteous angels were all halfway through a jab or a thrust with their swords, but it wasn’t needed anymore. The evil spirits turned and flew up, back the way they came—crying!

                  The angels turned toward me and I smiled.

                  “It’s about time!” a blonde angel said.

                  They all chortled and I laughed as well.

                  I decided to sing them a song in gratitude. I started singing, and my voice was clear as crystal. The notes flew through the ether, bathing everything in light and sound.

                  Here, I “woke up” a level above me, in the car. I opened my eyes to see all the young men around me staring at me, their mouths agape.

                  I said, “What?”

                  “You were sleeping.”

                  “And singing! Wow, I’ve never heard a voice like that!”

                  I smiled, but then desired to go back to my palace. I closed my eyes, and dived back down…

                  Here, I was in a part of the palace that wasn’t finished. There was still room to grow and create and have fun!

                  I did an inventory of the entire palace in my mind, and I realized there wasn’t anything dedicated to, funnily enough, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show outfits.

                  I closed my eyes, and envisioned exactly what I wanted in this part of my palace. Then, I opened them. There were double doors right in front of me, and I knew there would be pink marble columns, a catwalk surrounded by mirrors, and every amazing outfit from all the fashion shows displayed in neat rows on the other side.

                  Excited, I sent out an “invitation”—sort of like a “mind-wave”—into the universe. Anyone want to try on all these outfits with me?

                  Instantly, one of my best friends in the entire universe popped up beside me. We greeted each other ecstatically, and then walked through the double doors and had the time of our lives!

                  I must have tried on at least 200 outfits, we had music going, and a camera hovered in the air, taking snapshots of our poses. I thought, I wish my husband was here to see this!

This was one of my favorite outfits I tried on 🙂

                  Somehow, there, I was already married.

                  I don’t have memories of the other rooms I explored. But what I do remember is that there was a feeling of love and absolute acceptance of who I am. This permeated heaven.

                  Later in the morning, I shifted through the layers of reality, left my palace, and went back into the car with the young men. Then I left that dream, and woke up in bed.

Notes from talking about this with A, a woman-who-is-a-friend:

  • Him having a throne in my house means that it is a temple of heaven
  • Can represent a house of my ancestors
  • What do we do in the temple? Redeem our dead.
  • House represents my spiritual attainment, my growth, but also my family house
  • Devils could be ancestors who don’t want changes.
  • Ask: what else I need to know
  • Questions and Answers from September 11, 2022: Just who was the best friend who showed up with me and tried on all those outfits with me? It was your best friend of friends, ________, who has been through many different lifetimes with you.
  • Does everyone have this large of a palace in Heaven? If they wish or desire it, but many of the people in Heaven don’t want this level of creation, because of what it entails
  • Does everyone who is LDS have this level of palace in Heaven? Heavens, no!!! In fact, you’d be surprised how few LDS people actually want this level of creation
  • Who the crap is my future husband, who created all this with me? I cannot answer that at this time. Not because you aren’t prepared for the answer, but because you will, undoubtedly, be sharing this online.
  • You’ve got that damn right.
  • You swore…
  • HA!!! “I love our little intrigues together…”
  • So do I, my dear, so do I.
  • May every person who is reading this have this level of correspondence with you?
  • Yes, but it’s not up to you. It’s up to them.
  • I hope they choose to. I do hope so. Because nothing has been more joyous to my soul.

Courage and Validation Pics and Quotes

By Nicole Marie Hilton, October 19th

“Everyone has the right to tell the truth about her own life.” ― Ellen Bass

And these first six pictures mean the most to me about my life. I hope some of them will have meaning for you too. Please excuse the raw horror of this first one…it’s a ring sculpture and it’s exactly what would happen to me every single night until I was seven years old.

This represents what JJ and I unpacked—everyone’s here: the Nicoles, the Questions, the Nollies, the Whys, the Maries, and the Wonders.
I don’t know who painted this, but they are getting downloads from God about my life. Even the red rocks look the same
And this…
And this.
And here’s my favorite 😭

“Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.”

― Danielle Bernock, Emerging With Wings: A True Story of Lies, Pain, And The LOVE that Heals

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. —Frederick Douglas

And having to do with the last one…

“You can recognize survivors by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren’t alone…”

And I truly apologize for recently focusing on the beams and the motes
Thank you Becca C. S. for this one

Windows or Mirrors?

Photo by Jou00e3o Jesus on

By Nicole Marie Hilton, June 10th, 2018

I thought I was surrounded by windows

Windows in the eyes of the people walking around me

Talking to me

Glancing at me

I’d look into their eyes and think

This person needs to change


Or That…

When really I was surrounded by mirrors

All these mirrors I was looking into

Like God Himself has been talking to me

I realize what I see needs changing

Needs to begin with me

Until I become like Monson

And see only the good in the mirrors

Around me