Category Archives: Tree of Knowledge

Dysfunction and Assimilation

By Nicole Marie Hilton, a certain date to Monday, August 29th, 2022 I’m writing this at the outside table, surrounded by two of my brothers and their families, as well as my parents. The most stimulating comments range from, “which cow are we eating?” to, “please pass the salad,” and everyone is sweeping sweeping sweepingContinue reading “Dysfunction and Assimilation”

Sex Trafficking & “The Sound of Freedom”

My boyfriend and I were invited to Las Vegas for a private screening of Sound of Freedom, an absolutely brilliant film which tells the TRUE story of one of Tim Ballard’s most heroic and adventurous rescue missions.

Life’s Worth Living Podcast

Nicole was invited as a guest on Jon Gossett’s “Life’s Worth Living” podcast series to talk about her suicide attempt. She gives details about her visit to the other side of the veil and the love and hope she found there.

There Were Miracles!

This is a play-by-play after my leap off of Webb Hill in St. George, Utah. It’s a compilation of posts by my mother and boyfriend on social media from the day after my suicide attempt until my first week home from the hospital 3 months later.

JJ’s Thoughts on Mental Health and Suicide

My summary does not tell the whole story, but it tells a part of the story the medical community is not equipped to explain.

Hold On

Where was He!? How could He let that happen to me!? My logical conclusion—confirmed by terrible, real-life experience—was that I’m not worth His attention, that He doesn’t actually care about me, or that He does not exist. But I knew He was there, and this knowing rounded out my feelings of bitterness, gloom, and abandonment.

Mary Magdalene’s Strength

What follows was written by my boyfriend. His insights into Mary Magdalene’s life and trials give me hope. They also give me hope in Jesus Christ.

A Quiet Mind

It may require new training to feel comfortable and at home with a quiet, peaceful mind.

Do You Want Karaoke, or Karaoke?

Discerning between Light and dark voices makes the difference between happiness and misery. The fruit of the Spirit of God brings joy and progress, but the fruit of darkness is misery and deterioration.

The Process and the Promises

In order to fully heal, it is important to understand that there is a purpose in what we’ve gone through and that God, rather than abandoning us, has been supporting our life plan.

Dissociating from Love

DID isolates each part of the victim that’s been hurt. These parts can distrust and even hate one another. They have different priorities and memories, and it is all arranged to produce stark, unsettled isolation.

A Wake-up Call

Temptations will come whether we invite them or not. But each time we reject a temptation we hand the dark side a defeat, and we strengthen the light side of our coin.

Two Sides to a Coin

Heaven will often balance their trauma with extraordinary visions and manifestations from the Light. Anything a survivor might share about either type of experience is rarely believed by loved ones, therapists, or even their clergy.

Shame Begets Shame: My Babysitting Experience

The dark side is adept at twisting humility into self-loathing and shame. They shame us after hurting us, they urge us to make missteps and then shame us when we do.

Lessons From My Thumb

Opposition. Knowing we came to earth to experience it doesn’t provide much solace when we’re confronting it.

The Unseen Battle

Not much good comes from comparing ourselves to others. We are either lifting ourselves above another to feel “better,” or demeaning ourselves below another to feel that we are not enough.

God Loves Broken Things, Pt 3

We each chose to follow Mother Eve into Satan’s fallen, painful world. We knew for a time we would forget our true selves and be captive to pain and possible abuse. Why would we chose this? Why would God allow it?

God Loves Broken Things, Pt 2

In our extremes we are often in a better position to give God our full focus and attention. The combination of being alert and humble allows Him to upgrade our lives and rewrite our truths if we will permit it.

God Loves Broken Things, Pt 1

As the dark side abuses its victims, it also teaches them to harm and abuse themselves. It then rewards self-harm with mockery and shaming. At a certain point a perpetrator is no longer required, because the victim will self-perpetuate the abuse cycle with self-harm.

Why Don’t You Like Me?

The dark side uses traumatic abuse to shatter our spirit and destroy our self-worth. Once broken, we are taught a barrage of emotions and behavioral responses intended to reinforce the victim’s spiral into social isolation and self-loathing.

Seeker Catches the Snitch

When we become so lost and alone that we seem out of reach of any comfort or assistance, God has a way of showing us that not only can He reach us, but that He knows us better than we know ourselves.

How to Commit Suicide in 4th Grade

Satanic programming isolates its victim and fills the mind with self-loathing, pain, and hopelessness, all the while keeping the source of trauma hidden. The only hope left to the victim is a hope for an end to the lonely life of suffering and misery.

Tear Stains on My Pillow

After the Incident, I was broken. I began a lifetime of stuffing down my pain while trying to pretend everything was “normal”. It wasn’t always possible to keep up the charade.

The Incident

DID/SRA victims often begin to recover their lost traumatic memories around the age of 30. It can be very painful, but it can also be the beginning of healing. This is how it began for me.