This is a play-by-play after my leap off of Webb Hill in St. George, Utah. It’s a compilation of posts by my mother and boyfriend on social media from the day after my suicide attempt until my first week home from the hospital 3 months later.
Tag Archives: DID/SRA
A Mother’s View
Loved ones suffer alongside the survivors of trauma and abuse and in some ways can be co-victims. Often, parents are innocent bystanders who feel powerless to help or even understand their struggling child.
JJ’s Thoughts on Mental Health and Suicide
My summary does not tell the whole story, but it tells a part of the story the medical community is not equipped to explain.
Hold On
Where was He!? How could He let that happen to me!? My logical conclusion—confirmed by terrible, real-life experience—was that I’m not worth His attention, that He doesn’t actually care about me, or that He does not exist. But I knew He was there, and this knowing rounded out my feelings of bitterness, gloom, and abandonment.
The Mire
Survivors may struggle to accept and find meaning in a more stable, peaceful life.
The Fortress in My Mind
When the dark side arranges the unimaginable against the most innocent, the mind wipe and compartmentalization of the event become a harsh but necessary blessing.
A Quiet Mind
It may require new training to feel comfortable and at home with a quiet, peaceful mind.
Do You Want Karaoke, or Karaoke?
Discerning between Light and dark voices makes the difference between happiness and misery. The fruit of the Spirit of God brings joy and progress, but the fruit of darkness is misery and deterioration.
Do You Want Sushi, or Sushi?
Three types of voices compete for our thoughts: promptings from the Light, confusion and deception from the opposition, and our own voice. Promptings from the Light gently lead us toward greater freedom, peace, and joy.
Dissociating from Love
DID isolates each part of the victim that’s been hurt. These parts can distrust and even hate one another. They have different priorities and memories, and it is all arranged to produce stark, unsettled isolation.
Floating on Feathers
With great trials come tender mercies. They remind us that we are not forgotten after all.
A Wake-up Call
Temptations will come whether we invite them or not. But each time we reject a temptation we hand the dark side a defeat, and we strengthen the light side of our coin.
Hell HQ
with Christ, our greatest trials can be made into our greatest strengths, and Satan’s greatest victims can be transformed into his most powerful foes.
Two Sides to a Coin
Heaven will often balance their trauma with extraordinary visions and manifestations from the Light. Anything a survivor might share about either type of experience is rarely believed by loved ones, therapists, or even their clergy.
Meeting Jesus Christ and the Universe
If Christ is real, then there is hope. By overcoming evil and all sin, Christ saved us. Whether on Earth, after death in the Spirit World, or during the Millennium we will all have a chance to accept this free gift, which includes forgiveness, cleansing, healing, and restoration into God’s presence. It’s free, and it’s a package deal. But we must CHOOSE it and BELIEVE Him. I have reason to believe.
Shame Begets Shame: My Babysitting Experience
The dark side is adept at twisting humility into self-loathing and shame. They shame us after hurting us, they urge us to make missteps and then shame us when we do.
Lessons From My Thumb
Opposition. Knowing we came to earth to experience it doesn’t provide much solace when we’re confronting it.
The Unseen Battle
Not much good comes from comparing ourselves to others. We are either lifting ourselves above another to feel “better,” or demeaning ourselves below another to feel that we are not enough.
God Loves Broken Things, Pt 3
We each chose to follow Mother Eve into Satan’s fallen, painful world. We knew for a time we would forget our true selves and be captive to pain and possible abuse. Why would we chose this? Why would God allow it?
Why Don’t You Like Me?
The dark side uses traumatic abuse to shatter our spirit and destroy our self-worth. Once broken, we are taught a barrage of emotions and behavioral responses intended to reinforce the victim’s spiral into social isolation and self-loathing.