Last night was one of the most profound experiences I’ve ever had, and it’s changed everything for me.
I’m starting to see more in the Spirit—a gift I’ve prayed for since childhood. It’s a mixed blessing: rewarding at times, unsettling at others, like the night the spirit told me to go to bed before midnight, and when ignored, a dark figure appeared at my window just when the clock turned 12. It was a demon with shark teeth. It scared me so badly I crossed myself, sprayed frankincense oil in the air, and switched my head to the other side of the bed.
(This is a reminder to do whatever that little voice says to you—even if it’s as simple as going to bed two minutes before you planned to.)
It’s been five years since my fall from Webb Hill, marked by repeated heartbreaks. Each time recovery of a part of my body seemed near, new parts would break, deepening the emotional and physical toll it’s been taking on me and my family.
Something became clear in the last three years: these heartbreaks left behind a kind of spiritual residue, like malware, eroding the progress I’d made before I jumped. I felt myself shifting from Nicole to something more cynical, less like who I truly am. So Nicole became Cynical.
I’d learned resilience for my mind when my body functioned well, but adapting after such damage—where setbacks compound—has been just as tough. It’s gradually altered my outlook, making me someone I didn’t recognize.
Soon, I began yielding to negative thoughts: ignoring injustice toward children in public, justifying purchases from exploitative sources, procrastinating on my writing, delaying forgiveness toward my family, forgetting life long friends or thanking them sincerely for what they’d done for me.
Two nights ago, I prayed as I often have for two years: “Father, something feels off. No amount of positivity lifts this persistent low. It’s like an embedded issue I can’t identify or remove. Please help.”
The temple teaches: Eden’s trees were one of light and goodness, the other of knowledge with a snake tempting Eve toward independence from God and small rebellions.
It’s interesting the place trees have in the scriptures—not only that, we arrive through a tree-like structure: a woman’s womb resembles one, with the umbilical cord as trunk, arteries as branches, and surrounding tissues as leaves gathering sustenance.
Women carry this inner tree, and into it can come influences like snakes bearing sins—jealousy, greed, and distractions—that disrupt our lives. The Lord speaks of casting unfruitful branches into fire, not for destruction alone, but to provide warmth, a poignant end where our own traps ensnare the devil.
Consider your state in that fire: like Nephi and Lehi in Helaman 5, surrounded by flames yet unharmed, inspiring awe and courage.
Last night, in response to my prayer, I experienced deliverance. An angel whose face strangely resembled an Eastern Island Head appeared next to my bed. He started reached into my body and then into my spirit, grabbing literal Spiritual snakes, weapons that had been installed by Satan, Yes, but fed by me over the last years. As he pulled the first one out, I saw it had a name on its side. “PRIDE.” He offered the snake to me, and I grabbed this spiritual monstrosity, and pulled it apart until it snapped in two—(sorry for all the kids in the audience who have a pet snake). He then removed six others, all for one of the seven deadly sins, and they were removed from my legs, belly, and thighs:
1. Pride – From my left thigh, fostering isolation.
2. Greed – From my right calf, driving endless acquisition of things
3. Lust – From my lower belly, encouraging distractions.
4. Envy – From my hips, breeding comparison.
5. Gluttony – And here was the largest one—resembling an anaconda— From my gut, promoting excess.
6. Wrath – From my knees, sustaining anger.
7. Sloth – From both legs, enabling inaction.
The process was intense but liberating—each extraction brought very real relief, a sense of freedom, remembrance, release.
The air shifted, and I felt lighter, as if burdens had lifted. The Holy Ghost reminded me: the snake on the pole in Moses’s time symbolized sins drawn out through Christ on the cross, burning away the old to foster new growth.
They’re gone now. My legs feel steadier, my belly calmer, my thighs stronger. I twitched a toe this morning.
Scriptures like Isaiah 5, Jacob 5, and Matthew 21 ask what more could be done for the vineyard, then describe pruning and renewal for a fruitful harvest, and then purging the vineyard as by fire.
Nephi and Lehi endured fire without harm; we can too, when we live IN Christ, and can also emerge refined.
Which state of body will you be in when you are cast into the hearth? Will you be as Nephi and Lehi in the Book of Mormon, Helaman chapter five?
“And after they had been cast into prison many days without food, behold, they went forth into the prison to take them that they might slay them.
23 And it came to pass that Nephi and Lehi were encircled about as if by fire, even insomuch that they durst not lay their hands upon them for fear lest they should be burned. Nevertheless, Nephi and Lehi were not burned; and they were as standing in the midst of fire and were not burned.
24 And when they saw that they were encircled about with a pillar of fire, and that it burned them not, their hearts did take courage.
25 For they saw that the Lamanites durst not lay their hands upon them; neither durst they come near unto them, but stood as if they were struck dumb with amazement.
I invite you all to Examine your own inner tree. If burdened, seek removal of those influences. Name them, allow the process, burn away what needs to be burned, and find renewal.
After all the snakes were gone, Jesus Christ entered the room, and He healed the pressure injuries on my body that haven’t been healed for years.
Out with the old, in with the new! All because of the snake on the pole, through Jesus Christ conquering on the cross.
I’ve left cyNicole behind, and will be vigilant if any of the sins start growing into snakes again in my tree. I will replace them with their opposites: instead of Pride, humility, instead of greed, generosity. Instead of lust, chastity. Instead of sloth, diligence. Instead of wrath, patience. Instead of envy, kindness, and instead of gluttony, temperance in all things.
Doctrine and Covenants 43 reads:
28 Wherefore, labor ye, labor ye in my vineyard for the last time—for the last time call upon the inhabitants of the earth.
29 For in mine own due time will I come upon the earth in judgment, and my people shall be redeemed and shall reign with me on earth.
30 For the great Millennium, of which I have spoken by the mouth of my servants, shall come.
31 For Satan shall be bound, and when he is loosed again he shall only reign for a little season, and then cometh the end of the earth.
32 And he that liveth in righteousness shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye, and the earth shall pass away so as by fire.
I know these things are true, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Healing with Christ 