Lord, Is It I?

By Hannah Elizabeth Seariac

Lord, is it I?

Sitting at the table before Jesus Christ, the disciples must have felt some measure of trepidation when asking “Lord, is it I,” with the discrete possibility of Christ saying yes, it is.

I think there’s some part of us averse to the very question. There’s a tendency to find fault with others and blithely see ourselves as righteous. It’s true we shouldn’t feel shame or be overly perfectionistic when approaching ourselves, but it’s also true we have a responsibility to change for the better.

Ironically, it’s seeing my own faults that has caused charity for others to flourish within me.

Today, I was again reminded of my purpose on earth while listening to some music. I need to know Christ better. And in doing that, I know myself better, I love others better and I become a better person.

But it’s not a selfish endeavor.

It’s not one where I can seek to be great or grand or praised, it’s an endeavor where I go into the darkest corners of my heart and invite the light of Christ to pierce through my sins, my shortcomings and my failings.

Then, with that light, I can look at people, all people, with a greater love. But I’ve realized time and time again that I feel that love for others not when I do what I want, but when I do what God wants me to do.

Part of how I know God is real is through the process of aligning my will with His, through sacrificing what I want for what He can make me and for the love I can feel from Him.

And so, I repent. And so, I change. And so, I have to do so many times.

But every time, my heart is keenly aware of the warmth of the love of Christ.