I am JJ Brown, Nicole’s boyfriend. I wrote this on my Facebook to help others understand how Nicole and so many others could be so afflicted with the mental health issues they face. It is a complicated issue. My summary does not tell the whole story, but it tells a part of the story the medical community is not equipped to explain.
My Facebook Post on Mental Health and Suicide:
I believe these types of mental health issues are the same as a computer virus. A computer virus is an outside force introduced into the system. It self-operates, it protects itself, and it even self-perpetuates.
It feeds on fear, shame, pain, trauma, and anxiety. Therefore, it must induce thought patterns and behaviors which keep the programming fed inside its host (victim).
Each virus has been concocted and perfected by the dark side. It is introduced during times of vulnerability such as trauma, abuse, illness, sadness, or great fear.
All forms of abuse or trauma provide an opening for infection. It is especially effective against children, who are still learning how to think or feel and who must decide whether they are safe in this world.
Eventually, no perpetrator is needed, the learned behaviors and thought patterns take over, inducing ideas and life choices to produce feedback from others and from themselves that confirm what all the voices have always been telling them.
People from all over the planet have a very similar experience, with the same exact thoughts attacking their mind. That’s because it is the same program that is introduced globally. There’s a dark program for every form of addiction, and for the various forms of trauma and anxiety.
I understand that science can’t contemplate the concept of dark programming. For this reason, Science will never fully understand.
Science may observe the changes in levels of cortisol, lithium, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins; all of which can both result from and impact emotional health. Dark programming can take advantage of existing mental health issues. Very often, though, it initiates the trauma which is the root cause of the illness and a vector for its dark programming.
Nicole has worked incredibly hard to process her trauma and abuse. She has accepted it and healed a lot from it. She has given value to her true emotions related to the actual trauma, and focused on the fact that while those feelings were real, they are related to the past and no longer useful to her present life or her future. She has made great progress and has seen miracles in writing in her blog and sharing with other survivors.
Nothing was externally amiss for Nicole. She was not filled with shame. She was loved and supported. She believes in God and Jesus Christ. She listened to the recent Church Conference and knew some of those talks were for her.
A hundred times, she had felt these feelings before. She has gotten much better at quickly grabbing onto resources such as blessings, scriptures, and prayer, etc. to get back to herself and to put the dark program behind her.
But this particular, sudden attack simply wouldn’t go away, in spite of a great deal of prayer, blessings, love, nothing could shut down this program of thoughts and feelings running like a torrent in her psyche.
Free will is not relevant at times like this.
When you are in a burning tower and your only options are slowly burning to death or jumping, this is NOT actually a choice. Anyone who’s been through this will tell you it is something that happens to them, it’s not something they choose.
Her normal pattern is to feel these emotions and then, using her tools, she gets back to herself, again, and goes forward in all her light and strength. She is the most (sometimes painfully) honest person I know. But Wednesday morning she lied to her mother, calmly telling her she felt much better, and she slipped out of the house. It only took about ten minutes before her mother and I, over the phone, decided that she wasn’t actually OK. That ten minutes was not enough to catch her, but it was just enough time to save her life.
Christ is always there. Sometimes we find him at the top of the cliff, sometimes at the bottom. Failing that, we can find him in the world of Spirits to continue our healing.
We are grateful that Christ was at the bottom of the cliff and that she’s still here to heal. Her life plan has always been to help others who are suffering to feel understood and to help their loved ones understand them better. It seems that this is God’s plan for her, as well.
The day before the incident, Nicole received blessings which repeated three ideas a number of times: 1. The dark side could not afford to allow her to complete her healing and pursue her life’s purpose, 2. that Heaven would protect her, and 3. that in spite of the viciousness of this attack, this was a sacred moment and had a great purpose.
This is one of Nicole’s blog posts that I wrote regarding Mary Magdalene and what we can learn from her experience: Mary Magdalene’s Strength